Don't do it unless you hate her, really truly despise her, and want to revel in her subsequent misery. Whatever your reason for wanting to cheat: lack of sex/attention/affection, insecurity, pure selfishness or easy opportunity; you should at the very least tell her that what she is doing is making you want to cheat. If you have tried talking to her already, you probably have not been blunt enough. Blunt as in, "I want to fuck someone else". Trust me, that will get her attention. If that doesn't then the two of you are probably not meant to be together. Also, you had the balls to put it out there instead of making the more cowardly choice.
If you think you'll get away with it, you might. More than likely, however, you will get caught. Especially if it is more than a one night stand. It is highly likely that your affair will be with a co-worker, acquaintance, ex or friend (one that your wife would consider "safe"). If it is with someone you know and it is prolonged, your wife will find out. The other woman does not like to be in the shadows forever, despite what she tells you. Even if she is also married or is in it only for the sex, these type of women function from insecurity. They like the idea of "stealing" someone's man. They will leave clues for your wife to discover.
I found out about my husband's affair eleven years after it happened. Eleven years (see paragraph above). It may as well have happened yesterday. He remained friends with her after all that time (she was a co-worker years ago). I read a text message from her reminiscing about the affair. I later discovered that her husband had recently had an affair and I believe she was probably trying to rekindle something for revenge or at the least, looking for an ego boost.
I have been married for nearly seventeen years. My husband and this woman were working together before we got married. She also got him the job he has currently. Why do I say don't cheat on your wife unless you hate her? Well, finding out about the affair has caused me to question the sincerity of everything within my marriage. It colors everything now. If I look at a picture of us when the affair was happening, I'm not thinking about what a great time we were having. I'm thinking, "That's when he was sleeping with her and lying to me." Our whole relationship is built on lies. All those times he said he loved me was a lie.
We are working on our relationship, which I recognize is foolish. I know other couples have made it through affairs and their marriage has grown stronger, but based on our history together I think it is foolish. I'm trying because I have a child. As angry as I am, I also still think my husband is a good person. Unfortunately, he's not always that good person with me. He's trying now, but it is probably too little, too late.
If you have an affair and you and your wife try to work things out, guess what she thinks about when you're having sex? "Did he do this with her? What did they do together?" There will always be a third person in your relationship. She will never trust you again. You took the most intimate thing that the two of you shared together and gave it to someone else. You gave someone the opportunity to look at your wife and laugh, mock her. You told the world that you did not value or respect your relationship. Actually, you're telling the world you don't value and respect yourself. Even if you love your wife and it was only sex (it's never only sex-it is a sign that something is wrong with you and therefore your relationship), you will destroy everything. It taints the good and highlights all the bad.
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since I've found out. I can read posts on Facebook about how much a friend loves his wife or read about anniversary celebrations and the first thing I think is how that person didn't choose to cheat. Any stories on the tv or the radio or in a magazine about affairs takes me to a dark place. I've thought crazy things, things I won't elaborate on except to say that I am not a danger to myself or others.
Logically, I know there is nothing wrong with me. I did not deserve it. There were things fundamentally wrong in our relationship when the affair happened. I will take responsibility for my part. I did not however, cause my husband to have an affair. Relationships are going to have problems, couples will stop having sex. Affairs are choices. He chose to have sex with someone else instead of communicating with me. He could have chosen to end our relationship or to tell me how he was feeling. She threw herself at him and she knew about me, but I don't blame her. She didn't take a vow to respect, honor and cherish me, he did.
What kills me is that even if things do work out between us, I will never be able to reflect back on our relationship without thinking about the affair. In that sense, I feel our marriage is ruined. Which leads me back to my original statement: don't have an affair unless you hate your wife. If she is a raging, selfish bitch, do both of you a favor and leave her. If she doesn't listen to you or respect you, but you still have feelings for her then get some help. Talk to her-man up and tell her how you feel. If there was anything good between you and you cheat, it will spoil all of those good things. If you cheat your wife will not believe anything you say or have said because your actions tell a different story.
All of this applies to women who cheat on their husbands. Except a lot less men try to work things out when they find out their wife has had an affair. I'm a woman so I'm speaking from my perspective as a woman. Women cheat too and it can have the exact same effect on their marriage. If you want to stay married, an affair may temporarily satisfy your needs, but it will poison your relationship forever.
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